How to forgive yourself for glitter bombing your ex's car

Hi, my name is Maria Hernandez, and one thing about me is that I live with regret. I have regrets about a lot of things—like not studying for a test, not turning in an essay or assignment, or saying I was sick for work when I really wasn’t. But probably the thing I regret most in life is the things I’ve said or done to people. Because then it doesn’t just affect my life, but also others. I live with a lot of thoughts. Unfortunately, I was not born with emotional maturity, and I was born with anger issues and depression. So you wouldn’t be surprised when I say that I haven’t always been calm and collected when someone hurts me.

My most recent incident of regret was after my breakup with my ex-girlfriend. She broke up with me on FaceTime. After I asked her if she loved me, she replied no and said she thought we should end things. My heart was not only crushed, but I had never felt a kind of betrayal like that before. So my brain literally didn’t know what to do.

On the weekend of Valentine’s Day, my two friends and I went to Party City, got glitter, and threw it on top of her car—we basically glitter-bombed her car. Later that day, she posted on Instagram about it. She knew it was me and my friends. At first, I didn’t care. But it was only months later, when I noticed she was still mad about the glitter bombing, that I started to feel really bad about it.

Sometimes, I would stay up late looking out the window to see if she had struck her revenge—which she never ended up doing. But I wanted her to. I wanted her to get her revenge on me. I wanted us to be even. It wasn’t until the end of high school graduation, when I looked at her parents and saw the anger on their faces, that I knew I had really messed up.

To me, it felt like just a silly prank—but it makes sense. Understanding her as a person and the intention behind my actions, it makes sense why she was still mad about it.

So, how do you forgive yourself after glitter bombing your ex?

First of all, you have to realize that if you want to apologize to your ex, you have to remember a few things. One: are you apologizing to truly apologize—or is it just a way of trying to get close to them again when you no longer have a relationship? And another thing to think about: is it better to apologize, or will it just bring back old wounds?

For me, I wasn’t thinking about any of that when I sent my apology. It was from the heart. And when I sent it—bang—I was blocked. A part of me felt bad knowing I wrote an entire message from the heart and she never got to read it. But that’s the last thing you need to remember when you’re apologizing to an ex: you put it out into the world, and they’re allowed to respond however they want—even if that means blocking you.

At the end of the day, you need to learn how to live with your mistakes. Even if you can forgive yourself in the moment, you will still carry a part of it with you. No one is perfect. The best thing you can do for yourself is to clear your conscience—whether that means talking to someone about it, apologizing, or writing a blog post about it (lol).

Anyway, thank you for reading my rant about how to forgive yourself after glitter bombing your ex’s car.💔